“UFO 50 will remind you why you fell in love with video games in the first place.”
Pros
- Great commitment to its fiction
- Some truly fantastic games
- Wildly inventive twists
- Pitch-perfect 8-bit recreations
- Tons of challenges to chase
Cons
- A handful of duds in the batch
[Editor’s note: UFO 50, the latest game from Spelunky developer Mossmouth, is a fascinating feat. It’s a collection of 50 original 8-bit games that both reference gaming history and iterate on it. Even with a handful of misses in the oddball package, these are lovingly crafted retro throwbacks that encapsulate what made that creative era of gaming so special. It’s also a game that is invested in creating a fiction that its players will buy into. The invented premise is that all of these games were created by a cult classic studio named UFO Soft in the 1980s. It’s a fictional company with very real roots in pioneers like Jeff Minter’s Llamasoft.
To properly communicate how well UFO 50 builds that fiction, we decided to take a structural swing of our own crafted from the same historical roots. The below review imagines a fictional Digital Trends Magazine, modeled after historic gaming publications like Zzap!64. It is both a review of all 50 games in the collection, as well as a fictional play about three critics that unfolds through their writing over an eight-year span. If you’re just here for a straight recommendation, UFO 50 will give you more value for your buck than any game released in 2024. But if you’re willing to get a little experimental with us, read on.]
Happy New Year, Trendsetters! We have a good feeling that 1992 is going to be a great year for video games, especially with the continued rise of the Super Nintendo. We’ll have plenty of great games to review this year, but before barreling forward, we wanted to take a moment to reflect. Sometimes we’re so focused on the future of tech here at Digital Trends Magazine that we lose sight of the games, developers, and lost eras that brought us so much joy. It’s with that thought that we present a very special issue.
This year marks the 10-year anniversary of UFO Soft (originally known as LX Systems). The eccentric developer was a staple of the 8-bit era, reaching cult classic status after releasing a barrage of 50 games between 1982 and 1989 on LX home computers. Its wide-ranging catalog represents what we love about video games. The bulk of these games carry an oddball creative spirit. They are not afraid to experiment with new ideas, or iterate on old ones in ways that make them feel brand new. Even its “duds” are at least interesting failures that reach for innovation rather than playing it safe. And all of those games are lovingly crafted with memorable visual and sound design that showcases how expressive 8-bit tech could be.
To celebrate that achievement, we’ve put together this issue as a comprehensive retrospective on UFO Soft. In these pages, you’ll find every single review we published for the studio’s games over the years. These works paint a picture of a changing era as the shape-shifting joys of gaming’s Wild West days slowly coalesced into repeatable formulas and franchises of rising scale, sometimes to the detriment of even these games.
This was a great time of change for Digital Trends Magazine, too. Our own writers went through their own transformation during this eight-year span. Their outlooks on art and life morphed alongside these games and the real-world tragedies surrounding them, including the shocking death of one of our own critics. This UFO 50 issue is not just a fun excuse to revisit some old games; it’s a reminder that our worlds are ever-shifting.
Our very own Mark Kemp put it best in his landmark review of Mortol 2: “Games, like lives, are fragile things. Cradle them carefully in your hands as long as you can before they become fading memories.”
~ Amelia Bancroft, Editor in Chief
Barbuta (1982)
Arthur Webb: Exploring a winding castle, collecting gold, and dodging devious traps. It all sounds like the recipe for a grand adventure. So then why am I so bored? My gran moves faster than this plodding hero, and the only danger she’s running from is gout! This sprawling play area is too often let down by an overabundance of dead ends and sparse sounds. But I admit, I’m still thinking about this castle’s dense secrets and unexpected tricks even after putting it down. I wish to solve it like a crossword puzzle.
Rating: 51%
Bug Hunter (1983)
Mark Kemp: I’ve slayed more insect baddies than I can count in my life, but never quite like this! Though it took me a few tries to wrap my head around Bug Hunter’s delicate energy and action juggling act, the strategic bug-slaying actions quickly got their hooks in me. With so many special movement and attack patterns to experiment with, all of which change how I manage a lethal grid that fills with evolving nasties on each turn, this is the kind of brainy action you could lose a job to.
Rating: 89%
Ninpek (1983)
Barty Hughes: Don’t you dare call this another Ninjamania clone! Ninpek brings plenty of new thrills to the trendy action formula. My colourful hero is quite nimble thanks to his second jump (I wish I could do that!), which lets him whiz past enemy attacks as he sends back his shuriken in midair — just like a real ninja! The use of advanced screen scrolling on the LX just makes that action even more exciting. It’s an easy to learn high-score chase that requires some real discipline to master.
Rating: 80%
Paint Chase (1983)
Mark Kemp: Paint Chase is a peculiar program that’s more about out-painting rival cars than outracing them. Each level places your car in a small maze, and the goal is to paint as much of the ground as possible by driving over it before the timer runs out. It’s a novel idea helped by a few handy power-ups and nail-biting rounds, but it runs out of gas eventually. For more fun, bring a pal along for some tense two-player battles that are sure to ruin friendships!
Rating: 74%
Magic Garden (1984)
Barty Hughes: Aside from showing off the power of the LX-IT’s visual power with its splendid pastel colours, Magic Garden is an otherwise fine program. The player simply walks around a checkered grid picking up blobs, who follow the witch hero like a snake until she drops them off in designated zones to rack up points. It’s pleasant in short bursts, but I can’t say that it fully cast a spell on me! At least these slimes are cute little buggers.
Rating: 69%
Mortol (1984)
Mark Kemp: Death is not the end … or at least it isn’t in the bloody brilliant Mortol. The player embarks on a dangerous quest to save the world of Mortolia. In order to overcome its obstacles, the player can sacrifice one of their 15 lives to stick into a wall like an arrow, turn into a stone, or explode to take out walls and alien nasties. Each decision will let the next summoned soldier move forward by trampling on the remains of their predecessors. Grim, but morbidly fun! Only by using each life wisely to solve the level like a puzzle can the player reach the finish. It’s a suicide mission you’ll want to go on over and over again!
Rating: 90%
Velgress (1984)
Arthur Webb: Velgress has it all on paper. It requires precise jumping as the pirate Alpha scrambles up a well full of small footholds that crumble almost instantaneously, while blasting baddies or dodging them with her second jump. And yet, it’s all a bit of a science fiction snoozefest with all the repetitive jumping, lame power-ups that can be bought between levels, and a musical ditty that grates after your hundredth death. I’ll give credit where it’s due, though. The fact that the layout of the well changes with each play makes every attempt feel just a bit new. The programmers may be on to something there.
Rating: 61%
Planet Zoldath (1984)
Mark Kemp: I must say, this is one of the more cerebral adventure games I’ve played as of late, even if it’s not the most exciting. This vibrant alien planet is filled with mysterious gizmos, resources that power them, and secret areas that can only be accessed by using the right one. It really feels like I’m learning the ins and outs of a foreign world each time I take another crack at its ever-changing map.
Rating: 76%
Attactics (1984)
Mark Kemp: Never before has a program captured the epic scale of war as well as Attactics. The tactical battles here, as soldiers automatically march forward every few seconds, make for a brainy game of split-second decision-making. You’ll feel like a general sending your troops to their death! With several distinct unit types, two-player clashes, and even a never-ending mode, this is the total bloody package!
Rating: 84%
Devilition (1984)
Mark Kemp: Dare I say that LX Systems is becoming devilishly clever? Like Attactics and Bug Hunter, this is another unique strategy game that turns battles against demons into a puzzle. The goal is to rid a checkerboard of beasts by placing down forces with specific attack patterns. Once all are placed to your liking, you choose to detonate one and begin a chain reaction. That is, if you’ve placed your units in the right spot! It’s a bit too hard to keep track of that once I place down a piece, so getting through all 10 boards and protecting the civilians on them requires a lot of concentration. God help you if you accidentally blow a pilgrim to smithereens!
Rating: 79%
Kick Club (1984)
Barty Hughes: Now here’s a game I can get behind! Football becomes deadly in this famil- friendly sports game where the player kicks their ball to destroy some menacing athletic equipment. It’s an enchanting scenario propped up by pleasant cartoon visuals and jaunty music. It’s perhaps a little too simple to command long-term interest from the tykes, but I’m just glad to be allowed back on the pitch after getting a lifetime ban a few months back (don’t ask!).
Rating: 75%
Avianos (1985)
Arthur Webb: I can’t make heads or tails of this one … or should I say beaks or wings? This strategy game imagines a world where birds and dinosaurs have gone to war. I appreciate the idea and the detailed reptile portraits to match it, but its actual battles are a mess. From what I can gather from the unclear instructions and cluttered screen, players take turns gathering resources, summoning monsters, and using them to overtake castles. Oh bother, just devour me already and get it over with!
Rating: 55%
Mooncat (1985)
Arthur Webb: LX Systems has really outdone itself this time. It’s managed to make an adventure game even more frustrating than its dull debut Barbuta. The cryptic art and eerie sounds are enticing, but don’t let those fool you. The strange control scheme and boring level construction aren’t nearly as exciting as its psychedelic world. Don’t bother writing in to complain, Barbuta fans. I’ll send your letters straight to the trash along with this art house rubbish!
Rating: 46%
Bushido Ball (1985)
Barty Hughes: As far as Pong clones go, you could do worse than this straightforward, but thin offering. The twist is that the paddles are replaced with samurai and ninjas who can trick one another with special shots. That freshens up a tired formula a bit, but not enough to cut through the competition. Hey Arthur, how about you let me take some of those artsy games off your hands next time! Why do I get stuck with all the simple ones these days, huh? Don’t you trust me?
Rating: 59%
Block Koala (1985)
Mark Kemp: Don’t let these adorable marsupials mislead you. Koala Park will put your brain to the test. Each stage tasks the player with moving a star block to an end goal, but there are pesky number blocks in the way. Creating a clear path becomes a bit of a math problem, as there are rules to remember. For instance, a block can’t push another if the first one has a smaller number value than the other. It might be too tricky for youngsters (or our own Barty) despite its cutesy visuals, but adults will find a lot of tough challenges to crack.
Rating: 75%
Camouflage (1985)
Barty Hughes: Who’s the dumb one now, Mark? Old Barty boy had no trouble at all with this ingenious puzzle game. The player takes control of a friendly chameleon who must evade the sight line of hungry frogs by properly camouflaging to match the coloured environment. The boys didn’t think I’d be smart enough for this one, but joke’s on them! This is an easy to pick up puzzler that oozes with charm. I made it all the way to level 5 even!
Rating: 87%
Campanella (1985)
Mark Kemp: Imagine your average program where you duck and dodge through a screen full of obstacles. Now, replace your grounded hero with a spaceship that must be piloted with careful precision. That’s what LX Systems delivers with Campanella, perhaps the most tense game since Lunar Lander (which it no doubt draws inspiration from). If you fly into an obstacle, your ship will shatter into a million pieces! I do have a few qualms. I find the little UFO’s slashing action is too short-ranged, and the music and visuals aren’t up to par with LX sci-fi offerings like Planet Zoldath, but the anxious energy kept my palms constantly coated with a layer of sweat.
Rating: 77%
Golfaria (1985)
Arthur Webb: By now, our most loyal readers likely know that LX Systems has not taken kindly to my reviews over the past few years. I have been dragged through the mud in several of its newsletters, with so-called visionaries like Thorson Petter calling me a “hack.” Well add some more hate mail to the pile, because Golfaria is another stinker! As LX so often tends to do, this game overthinks an ambitious adventure by putting players in control of an unwieldy golf ball. I’ll admit that it’s a cutesy idea, but it’s simply a pain to navigate confusing topography before going over a needless “stroke limit” and getting warped back to faraway checkpoints. LX’s inventive design may be its defining quality, but that strength can just as easily be its weakness.
Rating: 57%
The Big Bell Race (1985)
Barty Hughes: Oh, I see how it is. I thought we were all equals here, but no! “Campanella is a high-priority game, Barty! You can’t review it, Barty! Here, why don’t you do the Campanella spinoff racing game that we’re too smart to review instead, Barty!?” Is that how it’s going to be? Well fine. The Big Bell Race is a mediocre racing game hastily built from Campanella’s visuals to capitalize on its instant success. I beat it in 12 minutes. It’s an unremarkable afterthought. I’m starting to know the feeling!
Rating: 52%
Warptank (1985)
Mark Kemp: This has proved to be a strange year for LX Systems. It may have had a big hit in Campanella, but the company’s offerings have proved divisive. I can’t imagine that anyone will disagree with Warptank. This isn’t just the finest LX offering of 1985; it may just be the best game of this whole year! This mind-bending game has the player controlling a little tank that can warp onto the wall opposite of it. That opens the door for some of the year’s sharpest puzzles. It makes Camouflage look like a baby’s toy!
Rating: 88%
Waldorf’s Journey (1986)
Barty Hughes: A walrus game. A bloody Walrus game. Is that all I’m good for? You know, I studied at uni like the rest of these tossers. So what if I didn’t attend Oxford? And alright, I flunked out! But that means I have to review the cartoon animal games now? Well, fine. This is a sweet little program about a sleeping walrus who dreams of leaping through the air and collecting fish. It’s a simple little jumping game that can be tricky to control as the player must hold the jump button to move, but it is elevated by some lovely illustrations and a dreamlike musical ditty. But don’t expect another review like this from me this year! New year, new Barty, I say!
Rating: 66%
Porgy (1986)
Arthur Webb: Well, well, LX Systems has changed its name to UFO Soft. Now, was that to capitalize on the success of Campanella or to salvage their reputation? No matter, because you can smell the LX stink on Porgy. Sure, this is an improvement over Barbuta and the dreadful Mooncat. This submarine exploration game is suitably tense, as the player must find ship upgrades and then return to base to install them before their fuel runs out. But that’s not without frustration, as persistent enemies like sharks can appear at random and ruin a perfectly good dive. It’s another overworked concept, but I’ll be the bigger man and admit that the sprawling ocean play area and loads of upgrades make for a sizable underwater journey.
Rating: 73%
Onion Delivery (1986)
Barty Hughes: How alien it is to be human! That is the thesis of Onion Delivery, a story of an extraterrestrial forced to spend his menial days delivering vegetables around a chaotic city by car. A troglodyte may tell you that this is a simple-minded driving game with poor controls that render it nearly unplayable. But I beg thee, look beneath the hood. Consider the sharp social satire here about how, uh, cars are … sort of … weird. Oh, this isn’t working either.
Rating: 45%
Caramel Caramel (1986)
Mark Kemp: I can already hear Arthur calling this one “overworked.” What a load of codswallop! Well, let me tell you, Caramel Caramel shows the exact thing I enjoy about UFO Soft. This is your standard scrolling spaceship shoot-’em-up, yes. But it makes that idea new again with a camera function that lets the player attack aliens by taking pictures, a bevy of colourful alien planets, and an imaginative alien world. The appeal of games is the way they build on one another’s ideas. It’s a conversation between programmers who are unafraid to be a little silly, try something new, and reinvent themselves. It’s not the most sophisticated product, but who would root against a spirited underdog?
Rating: 76%
Party House (1986)
Barty Hughes: This brilliant game about managing a house party is one that’s easy to relate to. Who hasn’t felt like an outcast from the “cool kid’s club” who’s struggling to be let into the party? The goal is simple: throw the ultimate party. To do that, the player collects a set of partygoers, each of which has their own popularity and cash value. Those resources can be used to add more guests to your rolodex or increase the size of the house to invite more guests. All players need to do is open the door to fill the room with guests and amass points to add new ones to the guest list. But watch out! Some guests bring trouble, which can alert the police and shut down the shindig for the night. It’s one of the most clever games UFO Soft has made yet and I simply can’t stop playing it.
Rating: 94%
Hot Foot (1986)
Barty Hughes: Yet another relatable game from UFO Soft! I guess they must be reading my diary! This is a sports game where children play dodgeball with beanbags. It’s a fine adaptation of the schoolyard game that adds special throws and duos combat, but it’s mostly a shallow little sports game that’s only good for a few plays. Do you know what stands out, though? At the start of each round, you and the computer take turns drafting a team from five students. After four are drafted, the last one is left crying on the sidelines. Very sad, wouldn’t you say, readers?
Rating: 59%
Divers (1986)
Arthur Webb: Oh hardy har har. The fools at UFO Soft must have read my complaints on Porgy and made a much worse underwater adventure to punish me. This aimless exploration game is burdened by dull turn-taking battles, a confusing shop system, and an environment that feels empty, as impressively detailed as it is. This is where Mark and I disagree. Just because a program is doing something different doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly worthy of praise. Some things, such as a UFO Soft adventure game, are just destined to be unremarkable, no matter how many times they may change their gimmick!
Rating: 58%
Rail Heist (1987)
Barty Hughes: I bought a motorcycle. That’s right, I’m a wild man now, just like the gun-toting cowboy in Rail Heist. This strategic heist game has the player stealing cash from train cars while avoiding the sight of gunmen. The twist is that the action happens in turns, so the player has a few seconds to move through the train, knock out guards, hide behind walls, or punch holes in the wall to create faster getaway routes. It takes some time to get the hang of, making it one of UFO Soft’s more expert level games. But it’s no match for a dangerous man like me!
Rating: 84%
Vainger (1987)
Mark Kemp: Readers, I come bearing some sad news. Barty is in the hospital. He got into a motorcycle accident. He is in a coma and the doctors don’t know if he’ll wake up. Arthur and I are stunned. Barty didn’t even know how to ride a motorcycle. I guess he just bought one to impress us.
It’s all weighing heavily on me, so much so that I can’t even get excited about a spiritual follow-up to the excellent Warptank. This larger iteration takes the gravity-shifting hook and applies it to a shoot-’em-up adventure. It’s a thrilling sci-fi action game filled with secrets and an intriguing mystery, though it loses the elegance of its predecessor in its larger scale. I wish I could enjoy it more right now. But like its hero standing on the ceiling, my world is upside down. Maybe a map would help.
Rating: 80%
Rock On! Island (1987)
Arthur Webb: You know, this is the kind of game that we would have just made Barty do. I would have said it was beneath me. Let that big, old oaf take it so I can handle the big adventure games! Maybe I’ve had it wrong all these years. Rock On! Island is, dare I say … fun? The player places down cavemen who defend their home from waves of dinosaurs with their automatic attacks. It’s not deep, sure, but the light strategy is refreshing after years of reviewing overly complicated games that I don’t even care for. Maybe there is more joy in a simple, easily communicated idea than I had realized. Barty must understand that. I hope to ask him about it one day.
Rating: 75%
Pingolf (1987)
Mark Kemp: This is a fine miniature golf game. You charge your shot and hit a ball toward a hole while avoiding science-fiction obstacles that look like they were pulled out of Campanella. Lose the intergalactic tournament and you can try again. You don’t need me to tell you if you’ll enjoy it. It does what it says on the package, no more, no less.
(Readers, we have heard you. We, too, miss Barty’s odd sense of humour. There is still no word on his recovery, but we will be starting a new writer in the coming months to bring some levity back to this magazine. You will be seeing a lot of him soon, as Arthur has opted to take a sabbatical for the next few months. He says he needs to find himself. Bear with me as I run the show alone for the next month or so.)
Rating: 61%
Mortol 2 (1987)
Mark Kemp: I’ve been thinking about death a lot recently. Not just human death, though that weighs heavy on my mind too. But this video game world is itself always in a cycle of death. Home consoles live out their lives and then fade away. Development studios have their meteoric rises, but we know they will not be around forever. Even franchises like Mortol no doubt have an expiration date. It is too easy to take for granted that this 8-bit era — its games and its stars, like UFO Soft — will leave us one day. We will cherish them later in life, looking back on them with fond nostalgia, but it is so easy to forget that in the moment. We must soak in this era of inventive play, one that fights back the tide of commercialization. We must hold on to the strange, quirky games we love, for they will die 100 deaths before we know it.
Mortol 2 is a reminder of that truth. In this adventure, the player must navigate a map full of traps and demons, but they only have 100 lives to do it. Like in the first Mortol, these heroes can be sacrificed to help the ones that come later to navigate. One turns into a platform upon their demise. Another leaves behind a teleporter. Each death is a reminder of what came before; lost lives that paved a path for the future. It’s maddeningly difficult, often to a fault, but there is truth in this somber scenario. Let the dead be a monument. Let them be a persistent reminder to embrace the present while it is here. Games, like lives, are fragile things. Cradle them carefully in your hands as long as you can before they become fading memories.
Rating: 83%
Fist Hell (1987)
Wacky Jerry: Well, spank my butt and call me wacky! Wacky Jerry reporting in for duty all the way from the U.S. of A! Honk honk! I’m new to the team, but I just know we’re going to have fun together! Now, I hope you didn’t just eat, because Fist Hell will make you puke — in a good way! This gross-out beat-’em-up has you pummeling zombies and werewolves up and down the city streets with your deep arsenal of attacks. It’s like having a Hollywood action movie in your hands. There’s so much blood … it’s awesome!!! No more of this sci-fi crud or boring puzzles. This is the future of games!!
Rating: 85%
Overbond (1987)
Wacky Jerry: Well, spank my butt and call me wacky! Say goodbye to boring old Velgress and say hello to Overbond. This sequel cuts out all the crap like jumping. Instead, the bounty hunter Alpha gets dropped in an arena and she has to survive eight battles against enemies, all while collecting money to upgrade her gear between fights. Best of all? She has a gun! It’s all like POW POW! And then you drop a bomb and they EXPLODE. It’s crazy!!! I wish there were more kinds of guns and blood and stuff, but I think the “shooter” game is going to be big, you watch. I wish every game was like this!
Rating: 74%
Campanella 2 (1987)
Mark Kemp: Something is changing. I can feel it. Games are getting bigger, more spectacular, but more templatized too. Compare Campanella to its new sequel. The original was a concise concept built on a simple tension. Campanella 2 is bigger. There are on-foot shooting segments, upgrades, and a vast world to explore. It should feel grander. It does, sometimes. But why, I ask, does it feel narrower too? It’s as if UFO Soft’s eclectic vision is all funneling toward one “action-adventure” bucket? What is happening to imaginative games like Bug Hunter or Warptank? Is there still hope that the underdogs can survive?
Please wake up, Barty.
Rating: 73%
Hyper Contender (1988)
Wacky Jerry: Well, spank my butt and call me wacky! Hyper Contender is chock-full of action! This fighting game has players beating the snot, and rings, out of one another! The first to get five rings wins the match, so it’s not just about who’s better at punching. That’s a radical spin on the fighting game, even if there aren’t too many modes or characters here. But what I really love is that this game features characters from a bunch of other UFO Soft games! Isn’t that so cool?? Give me more, more, more of my favorite characters please!!
Rating: 74%
Valbrace (1988)
Mark Kemp: This fantasy adventure has shades of classic maze games like 3D Monster Maze, but with more modern RPG touches that you’d see in something like Gauntlet. The player crawls through a labyrinthian dungeon full of traps in search of valuable treasure. It’s a basic concept, but it replaces turn-based encounters against monsters with real-time slashing. It’s a more fast-paced spin on an old formula that fits with UFO Soft’s push toward more mechanically sophisticated action. Won’t Mr. Wack Job be happy to hear it …
Rating: 76%
Rakshasa (1988)
Arthur Webb: Namaste, readers. Where have I been the past few months? Well, where haven’t I been? I have cleansed my soul in the waters of the world. I feel refreshed, born anew. How fitting is it, then, that my first task upon returning is writing about the great Rakshasa? At first, this feels similar to the side-scrolling high-score action of Ninpek, but there’s a hopeful twist. Every time the hero dies, their spirit pops out. By dodging enemies and collecting shards, they can bring themselves back to life. It is a game of second, third, and even fourth chances. It posits that there is always hope that we may wipe the slate clean and come back anew. Perhaps I am not fated to become an old grump. And maybe this era of 8-bit games does not have to end with the advent of 16-bit fast approaching. Maybe it too can rise again, a reinvented version of itself crafted by developers who care enough to return to this style of game-making with new ideas. I hope to see that day.
Rating: 82%
Star Waspir (1988)
Mark Kemp: This space shoot-’em-up is par for the course. Fly a ship through the air, blast baddies, rack up a high score. Its sole innovation is that the enemies drop power-up blocks, with the player needing to collect three. And the ability they ultimately get is determined by which blocks they collect. That adds some mix-and-match potential that upgrades each of the three ships with additional tools like helper drones or more powerful shots. It’s a smaller twist than UFO Soft usually delivers on familiar formulas. Maybe it’s running short on ideas. It must be exhausting to keep this kind of creative pace up. (Sigh, after turning in this draft, the powers-that-be here asked me to include a “second opinion” from Jerry.)
Wacky Jerry: POW! POW! POW! Isn’t it so cool when you get to blast spaceships and watch them explode in fiery glory?? I say, don’t listen to Mark! He’s such a drag! Buy this game today from your local Electro-Mart! Shop today and save 15% off* on a purchase of an LX-III! And don’t forget to spank my butt and call me wacky!
*Terms and conditions apply, see in-store for details.
Mark’s Rating: 69%
Jerry’s Rating: 90%
Grimstone (1988)
Wacky Jerry: Well, spank my butt and call me wacky! OK, so you know those lame-o Dragon Quest games? Well what if I told you they made them cool? Grimstone is basically that game but with cowboys and guns! You shoot bandits and monsters in turn-based battles where you need to press a button at the right time to hit. There are tons of towns to explore, horses to ride, and more. It’s a full-on Western fantasy! I’m so glad to see UFO Soft making more games with American sensibilities! Yee-haw partner!!!
Rating: 82%
Lords of Diskonia (1988)
Mark Kemp: Finally, UFO Soft makes a return to the innovative strategy games I came to love them for in 1982. This creative wargame imagines troops as discs that can be flung into one another. Battles see the player bouncing off their foes’ discs to damage them, sending them retreating to their camp to restock. The goal is to eventually overtake their camp after winning battles and pushing them back enough, all while using gold to hire more troops. Perhaps it speaks to me so much because sometimes it feels like we’re always fighting a war in the world of games. There is a push and pull between creativity and safety. More and more, the latter seems to be winning. Games are settling into formulas. The enthusiasts who refuse to question it gain control of the battlefield. The people who care fall one by one. All these forces ricochet into one another, but I fear that it’s the ones with the most gold who will stand tall at the end of the day. What will we lose when the frontlines of creativity fall?
Rating: 89%
Night Manor (1988)
Wacky Jerry: Well, spank my butt and call me wacky because I’ve got some great news to share today! I’ve been promoted to lead reviewer! Apparently, our bosses love how excited I sound about every game in all my reviews! I’m going to celebrate hard tonight, but first let’s talk about Night Manor because this game is tubular! This is a point-and-click horror game (ew, I know, reading), and it is totally awesome. The story will keep you on the edge of your seat and the atmosphere is total creepsville. And it’s so freaky and bloody! Your parents are gonna flip!
Rating: 85%
Elfazar’s Hat (1988)
Arthur Webb: Well, I’m not sure how to say this, but I’m sad — well more puzzled, I suppose — to report that Jerimiah Johnson (or Wacky Jerry, as you know him) has passed away. I guess his promotion celebration went awry. Something about a deep-fried turkey and a fireworks snafu. I’ll spare you the details. I have sent word to the elders of Aswan, who I lodged with during my travels to Egypt. With their blessing, may he be born anew in the waters of the Nile.
There’s no real elegant way to transition to a review of a game about cute animals escaping the clutches of an evil wizard, is there? Well, then I’ll just say that this is a charming little adventure that iterates on Star Waspir’s power-up matching system. This feels like a far more fully realized version of that project, as it combines shoot-’em-up play with a more traditional level-based adventure. It is further proof that a boorish game can get a second life as something vibrant and delightful. I’m sure Jerry would have loved it.
On second thought, I haven’t the slightest clue. I’m not even sure he played the games he reviewed.
Rating: 76%
Pilot Quest (1988)
Arthur Webb: Now, this is something. Imagine a program that you barely have to play at all. That is the conceit of Pilot Quest, a sort of automation game about a spaceman who crash-lands on an alien planet. First, I must smack a crystal to gather some moon resources. But soon, I spend them to create a few plants that automatically produce crystals every second. After a bit of setup, I don’t need to play at all. I leave my LX-III running in the background until I have enough to set up my next task, culminating in me repairing my ship. Occasionally, I can enter a zone for a few minutes to smack enemies with my yo-yo and obtain supplies, but I have gotten so much done as it played itself. I went for a walk. I watched the Goldfinches flutter merrily. What real adventures have I been missing all these years while trudging through digital ones? Like my little spaceman, I yearn for escape.
Rating: 78%
Mini & Max (1989)
Mark Kemp: When Mini & Max begins, I am a little girl locked in a tiny storage room. I can barely move. But soon, my dog, Max, shows me a trick. By holding the down button, I shrink to the size of a bug. Suddenly, that tiny room becomes a sprawling metropolis full of stars to collect, dust bunnies to aid, and abilities that make the world feel even bigger. As an 8-bit game that feels like the last of a dying breed (especially as I hear that Sega’s fancy 16-bit console may be coming to more countries imminently), Mini & Max is a revelation. It is a reminder that there is infinite depth in even the smallest things. These pixel games may seem limited, but UFO Soft continues to show us how boundless they are. Just when it feels like we’ve hit the bottom, we discover a whole subatomic level of design decisions. There is more to explore in this 8-bit world. Why, I wonder, are we so eager to leave uncharted territory behind?
Rating: 90%
Combatants (1989)
Mark Kemp: Since its second game, UFO Soft have long been obsessed with war. Combatants once again explores that idea, but at an insect level. The player controls an army of ants with a list of commands. They can summon workers to spawn more creepy-crawlies, send them into battle, or tell them to fall back. Rushing in without a plan is a surefire way to lose. These missions are frustrating. You’ll want to throw your controller out the window and give up. But with patience and strategy, there is hope for survival.
Oh, I wasn’t going to say this. I fear I’ll jinx it, but … I visited Barty over the weekend and I swore I saw his eyes flutter. They fluttered! The doctor told me not to get too excited. His condition is unpredictable. I know I should be measured, but I feel a surge of hope. My sweet friend. My eccentric pal, so full of life and spirit. Will you wake up once more? Will you bring back what I was so sure we had lost? For the first time in ages, it feels as though we may win this war yet.
Rating: 62%
Quibble Race (1989)
Arthur Webb: Readers, forgive me if this week’s writing is sloppy. Mark has gone to be with Barty and I am taking on his work for this issue. I have also consumed a fair amount of opium this week. In any case, Quibble Race is a psychedelic alien racing game that continues UFO Soft’s newfound automation experiments. You do not control your alien racer here. Rather, you bet on a winner, give them illegal boosters, and sabotage your opponents. Perhaps it is just the purple albatross with great wings of water speaking through me, but the less and less I actually have to play these games, the more at peace I become. Peculiar.
Rating: 65%
Seaside Drive (1989)
Mark Kemp: Yes, yes, Seaside Drive is a blast. It is a brilliant driving-action hybrid in which players shoot at enemies from their convertible while drifting along a highway to charge their weapon’s power. It’s a simple, fun shoot-’em-up concept with great high-score-chasing potential. I don’t mean to rush through it, but I have more important news to share.
I was sitting by Barty’s side on a warm Sunday afternoon. A light beam poked in from the window and warmed his face. As I looked at him, bathed in angelic light, it happened. He woke up. His pupils were red and tired, but I could see that light shining through.
“Where am I?” he said weakly. I could barely speak. My lips too stunned to move.
“Barty. You … there was … an accident. You’ve been … asleep … for two years.”
He looked at me, trying to process this, his head ever so slightly cocked to the side.
“Did Campanella 2 come out?” he asked me, his sense of goofball humour awakening before his body.
“Barty,” I said through tears, “They’re about to release Campanella 3. And I want you to review it.”
Rating: 83%
Campanella 3 (1989)
Barty Hughes: In my dreams, I saw UFOs.
Isn’t that something? Bloody UFOs! I don’t remember much about being unconscious for two years, but I remember seeing those little pink buggers flying about. I was afraid they would shatter, as they so easily do in Campanella, but they never did. There were no walls for them to smash against in my dreams. There was only black space stretching to infinity. They could fly on forever.
Mark tells me that Campanella 3 is nothing like Campanella 2 even though it features that blasted UFO. I hear it shares more in common with a game called Seaside Drive (oh dear, I have a lot of catching up to do, don’t I?). Mark seemed a bit peeved that the tense ship-flying of the past two games had gone away in favor of a shoot-’em-up with a 3D scrolling trick. Well, that doesn’t bother me very much! I think this is a fun little jolt of action, simple as it may be. And anyways, why would I want to play the same old thing again? I’d be cross if I came out of a bloody coma only to play the same game again!
When I told Mark that, he looked surprised. We got to talking and he told me that he’s just afraid that everything is changing. He doesn’t know where games are going with this 16-bit world coming, and he hears rumors that UFO Soft may be on the verge of closing its doors soon. I told him he worries too much! It’s not like his memories of the 8-bit age are going to shatter when the Sega system comes to the United Kingdom! You don’t have to lock the past in a storage closet full of junk to crash into. Let those UFOs loose into the night sky where they belong. They’ll always wave down to us with their blinking lights.
And who knows? Maybe they’ll touch down on Earth again once they’ve explored the deepest reaches of space and find something new to show us!
Rating: 81%
Cyber Owls (1989)
Arthur Webb: It’s the end of the world as we know it and only a gang of militarized owls can save it. Cyber Owls takes the player through four missions with very different playstyles, from a standard beat-’em-up to a motorbike chase to a top-down stealth infiltration segment. It’s action-packed, it’s fun, and it’s the last game I will ever review.
Yes, I am retiring, dear reader, to pursue a new career in bird conservation. The Cyber Owls may defend the world from harm, but who will protect the real owls in our own world? Don’t let anyone tell you there’s no such thing as second chances — especially me! As the great wise men of Chaukhamba once told me, resurrection is not so much a miracle as it is a trust that even the simplest things contain an infinite capacity for reinvention. There may yet be a future within the past. Or something like that. Namaste, readers. May you rise anew one day.
Rating: 80%
In loving memory of Jerimiah “Wacky Jerry” Johnson.
